Kneeling from my bed, I wrote "Amen," to close out the prayer written in vibrant pink ink in my prayer journey. Then it hit me, "God Fatigue..." - being weary of demonstrating Christian behavior; being tired of doing right by others but doing it anyway because you really do love God.
Does the Bible say anything about being tired of being a Christian? Well yeah, in Galatians 6:9 it says, "don't get weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not." And then all these thoughts race through my mind, starting with, "God, I'm fainting RIGHT NOW!" It's not like I don't want to post the most profound thoughts that roll through my mind daily, it's that I just don't FEEL like it. It's not that I forgot to read my Bible instead of skimming a few verses on the Youversion app, it's that I don't FEEL like doing more. Pause, don't think I'm talking about you, or anyone else, I'm too busy talking about myself.
Since my great-grandmother died, I have found myself in and out of these phases of what my mind calls "God-fatigue." I know I love God, but sometimes I don't FEEL like I have the energy to give the attention demonstrating love requires to anyone but myself and my son. That's the real! But you know what always gets me together? The Holy Spirit! When I am minding my own business wanting to get annoyed with people and give up on them, He leads my response to compassion and forgiveness. When I am tempted to turn someone's business into gossip, He leads me to pray for them, even if I am indifferent toward them. When I want to just run away from myself for a mental break, He gives me ideas to refocus my attention and remind me that I have such a great purpose in this earth, even if just for one soul to see Jesus. When I want to conform and just agree with everything the world puts out because "who am I to judge?" He reminds me that I was called to be peculiar, and the foolishness of this world is not for me to touch, taste or handle. You see, when I get tired of doing good, and that $1 billion not dropping in my lap for all my trouble, the Holy Spirit reminds me of my radical love for Christ, why I first believed and why I now believe.
When my intentions and head have been cleared by repentance and prayer, I begin to feel energized, and hope to respond to God's extravagant love, extravagantly. By listening to the Holy Spirit and understanding, asking myself, how can I honor God with this desire that I have? And scariest of all, how can I honor God when I am weary of doing the good He requires of me?
You see beloved, I don't know if anyone else gets tired of being forgiving, not talking back, just praying about it, but I do. And each time I am able to reflect on it for the scheme of the enemy that it was... to make me run back to the world where the discipline I would exercise would be self-aggrandizing, where I would become prideful and therefore my own Graven image and therefore declare war on God's sovereignty as The One True God Jehovah. Too deep? Nah! That was just the shallows of it!
Christian fatigue comes from foolish behaviors like never resting, refusing to severe ties that God wants cut, not fasting, and pride. What's pride got to do with it? A LOT! The pride we display when we don't work out and eat right like our minds and bodies don't need proper fuel and rest. The pride we display when we think we've got sick time and vacation time from Christianity, and begin to dabble in old habits or just simply loosen our grip on ensuring we study God's Word and get into His presence. The pride we display when we act like the church can't go on if we aren't at every single function and meeting, even though our families need us. When church becomes a chore, you've got God-fatigue.
How do you get over God-fatigue?
You go to God!
You get real reverent and real honest!
You repent and ask Him to search you out and expose the root of indifference. Ask Him to break up the stony heart and make it flesh so that you will sense the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
You ask God to help you make a schedule that will keep you enduring. Tonight in Ps 85, I read that those whose strength is in The Lord go from strength to strength until they reach Zion. Even in the emotional valley, STRENGTH! Through the disappointments and pains, STRENGTH! When you don't FEEL like praying, STRENGTH! When you don't feel like worshiping, STRENGTH! When you don't feel like studying His Word, STRENGTH! When you are being pushed back after making some headway, STRENGTH! When you're tempted to act out in jealousy against someone, STRENGTH!
Beloved, God does not want us burned out on this Christian journey; we haven't even gotten to the hard parts of the last days. If we are honest with God in our prayers, He will strengthen us exactly when we need it, so that no matter what we feel or don't feel, His perfect strength in us, will accomplish His purposes for our lives. You will find yourself moving, doing, being and giving all that God desires. You will find yourself back on course, but first you've got to confess that you're weary. The load is only As heavy because pride has you and I thinking we should carry it alone.
I'm praying for you!