Insecurities & Purpose
I am praying that all is well with you, and if all isn’t get in touch with me, so that we can not only pray together, but that you may have a shoulder to lean on. So, I’ve written a book (more on that later), and all through the writing process I was engaged in a mental battle between my insecurities and my assignment. I know I am not alone in this crazy struggle. When God gives an assignment, He never asks us if we can do it, the only question is are we willing to do it. Unfortunately, even when we are willing, our excitement about honoring God can wean when we are faced with our past mistakes and the fact that we aren’t perfect enough to be an example to others.
I found myself in the throngs of a self-directed mental assault as I said:
“God who am I to write a book? Shouldn’t you be using someone who is closer to You than I am?”
“God, who is going to want to read this book, especially because it won’t be free?”
“Lord, I don’t think I’m the right one, I am still messing up.”
“Jesus, the people who know my past won’t accept this, and those who don’t know my past will be too focused on that to get the message of the book.”
Focusing on our insecurities leads to procrastination and imitation, and that is exactly where I found myself. Not working on my book and then looking at others to see how I can imitate what they’ve done because their highlight reels projected the perfection I thought I needed to embody to be worthy of this call. So the question now is, how do you conquer your insecurities in other to walk in purpose. I think I am going to do several Bible study posts on this topic. Let’s get into our first example of insecurities, Moses.
Turn with me to Exodus 4 –
Vs. 1-2 “Moses answered, ‘What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say The LORD did not appear to you?’ Then the LORD said to Moses, ‘What is in your hand?’”
God seems to call people to operate where they are weakest and so we can get distracted by our own lack of qualifications in that area. Moses was sent to speak but he wasn’t a speak, he was not a bold person. Moreover, he was a murderer and a fugitive from Egyptian justice, people knew his past, and if God was going to speak, He surely wasn’t going to speak through a stammering murderer… right?
Why should anyone listen to me (LaShonda)? If I speak from purpose, then I have a divine message that is not my own to withhold. God will speak through my obedience, and if anyone rejects the message, I should not take it personal, that’s between them and God.
Vs. 10 -11 “Moses said to the LORD, ‘Pardon Your servant, LORD. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since You have spoken…’ The LORD said to him, ‘Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD?”
Moses was so focused on his insecurities, his stammer and lack of eloquence that he forgot he was talking to Elohim, the Creator of the universe. In Exodus 3:14 God told Moses His name is I AM WHO I AM, and what Moses, like many of us don’t grasp is that when God commissions us for service in the earth, He grants us the I AM power to do what He requires of us.
God has equipped us for obedience. Moses tried to negotiate a lesser responsibility because he stammered, he focused on the things that made him wrong for the job and the not the God whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.
Vs. 12 “Now go, I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
Obedience is learning on the job. You don’t get to be an expert first, you get to become an expert after. When God gives us assignments, He isn’t sending us out alone, we have the Holy Spirit to empower and embolden us to not only begin but complete. You can dare to write the book, start the business, go back to school, begin hosting Bible studies, all JUST because God requires it of you in this season.
Vs. 20b “Now he took the staff of God in his hand.”
When we surrender our insecurities to God and the very things and people we use as excuses to procrastinate or reasons why we can’t be as responsible as God is asking us to be, we lay down our Shepherd’s staff as Moses did. When we lay down the Shepherd’s staff before God, we will in turn pick up the very staff of God. Do you remember what Moses did with that staff? He struck a rock and water came out (Numbers 20:11), He struck the sea and it parted completely for a nation’s safe passage (Exodus 14:21).
Listen beloved, the staff of God that is extended to you if you would lay down your past and your faults at God’s feet will be a leaning post for when you think you are weak, holding you to press on in purpose.
Vs. 24-26 God was going to kill Moses because one of his sons were not circumcised. God spared Moses because Zipporah realized what was happening and quickly circumcised the son (praise God for a discerning and wise wife).
There is still an order to obedience. Even we finally have the courage to go do what God says, we cannot handle God common and think we can approach the assignment as though it had no eternal benefit. God is still HOLY and Sovereign and He requires the heart to be circumcised, He requires a right attitude about His work.
Moses knew that the males were to be circumcised as the children of Abraham, because that was the sign of the covenant, and Moses himself was obviously circumcised. To not circumcise his son can only be perceived as arrogance and pride. You may even draw the conclusion that he simply forgot, but ignorance has no bliss and doesn’t negate something being wrong. Don’t operate in pride, stay humble and fast as you approach an assignment, ask God to give you the right heart and help you to maintain that disposition, so that even when you get weary, you won’t exalt yourself.
Vs. 31 “And when they heard that the LORD was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshipped.”
Your purpose is a reminder for some that God still cares and remembers them and their situation. Imagine if Moses did not go to the Hebrews and tell them that God was speaking first of all (because the Bible doesn’t show him speaking too much while they were in Egypt for 400 years) and that He was going to deliver them. Your obedience is a sign to people who have lost their passion, who think that God has given up on them.
When you start to exalt your insecurities and not your God, remember Moses’s beginning as a prophet of God. His burden was so great, and all he had in his corner was Aaron and Miriam, and they too turned on him, but he had to keep pressing on. Remember that the anxiety of facing your faults and your past are far less significant than the fulfillment you get from helping someone remember that God cares and inspiring them to move in obedience. Don’t allow insecurity to keep you from purpose, beloved. God’s call is your qualifier, and although you can’t see it, just remember that it is God who has eternity’s eye and He has seen the impossible, the miraculous and the great come out of you. You have the I AM power of God, use it. Get into the Word of God and fortify your mind to prevent sabotaging your faith. Now, get started on being the reminder that God still cares.
Say this Mantra with me:
Anything God asks me to do, I can do it! I am not giving up; I have nothing else to do but press on! I am going to be all that Christ died for me to be, and have all that Christ died for me to have! I am personally responsible to honor Christ’s death by living abundantly in purpose. I will endure, I can endure the hardships and outlive the insecurities in my life.